Top Ten Ways to Survive a Breakup Without It Breaking You!

Ending a romantic relationship can be quite a painful experience. Depending upon your frame of mind, it can also be a time of empowerment and growth. Read this article to learn how to survive your breakup without breaking down.


1. Gain closure, if needed.

If you still have questions about your breakup or feel that you need to get something off your chest, send your ex a letter or email. Note: you do not want to see him or her in person. You want to communicate in a manner that is productive. By writing a letter, you can take the time to craft a letter to say exactly what you want to say. You'll be able to say what you need to say without being interrupted. Be sure to edit your letter over and over again until you have the letter with the pertinent topics and free of inflammatory language. You just want to get closure and understanding so you will be able to move on with your life or clear up any misunderstandings. DO NOT see your partner in person for this closure session. You may be tempted to get into a shouting match or jump into bed and rekindle the passion on a relationship that is destined to fail. 

2. Recognize that feeling sad and blue after a breakup is a normal natural process of grieving.

The pain of breaking up is actually a good thing. This pain forces us to let go of the relationship and be willing to move on with your life.  


3. Take good care of yourself while you are going through this grieving process.

Any emotional upset will drain your body much like a bout with the flu, so get enough sleep, eat right, and exercise        .   


4. Allow yourself a long enough grieving period before entering another relationship.

You are setting yourself up for even more pain, if you immediately run into another relationship to rescue yourself from the intense pain you may be experiencing. The rebound relationship is almost sure to be doomed for failure. Your new partner will be stuck with getting the backlash of undeserved negative emotions that you had for your former partner. Do yourself a favor and allow yourself a 4 to 1 break from relationships. For example, if you were in a relationship that lasted 4 months allow yourself a one-month respite before becoming emotionally involved with another partner 


5. Avoid spending time with or talking to your ex-partner.

After your closure letter (optional step 1), resist the urge to contact with your ex-partner. Allow yourself and your partner time to heal from the painful and powerful emotions that follow a breakup. Sometimes when you are in the midst of your emotional pain you forget the logical reasons that caused either you or your partner to call it quits. There was a reason you broke up.   


6. Be sure to find activities to fill your time.

Now that you are not spending all of your time with your significant other, there is a tendency to sit at home and mope. You may even feel a bit lost, and not know what to do with this unstructured time. Be sure to fill this time with something enjoyable such as taking up a new hobby or calling a friend.     


7. Be sure to utilize your support system.

Call a friend and vent, cry on their shoulder, or do whatever it takes to purge yourself of your feelings of sadness and feelings of betrayal.   


8. Bring out your journal.

Take out your flaming pen and write one of those no-bars held, tell it like it is, I've got to get this off my chest UNSENT letter. Note: Do NOT send this to your former partner. This is for your eyes only and should be used to help you get all of those gut-wrenching emotions out of your gut and on to paper. After you have read your UNSENT letter either to yourself or a trusted friend, burn the letter. As you watch the letter burn, imagine all of your hurt and pain going up in smoke.        


9. Evaluate what went wrong in the relationship.

Take time after you've processed and purged some of the powerful and painful emotions to be brutally honest about what went wrong with the relationship. Take ownership for the things that you did that were damaging to the relationship. Take ownership for not noticing the red flags or asking enough questions. Determine if you have been prone to repeating the same mistakes relationship after relationship. If you need help sorting this out, seek the help of a relationship coach or therapist so that you'll be able to be more conscious and successful in your future relationships.       


10. Use your Higher Power, prayer, and meditation.

Use your Higher Power to sustain you through this difficult time and help you grow as a person. Read inspirational materials; gain strength from your faith; learn how to experience the peace in the middle of the storm. Remember, "that which does not destroy me, makes me stronger."     


About the Submitter:

This piece was originally submitted by Linda Lovejoy, MA, LMHC,      For Further Reading on Abandonment: 


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