Healing Ourselves

For the moment, 'cause things change you know I think I'll share some thoughts on healing ourselves and therefore our relationships. I'm a mental health professional so I'll be writing based upon past client and friend interaction.

There are really two views of the world. One comes from those who watch tv, texting on their phone, watching old re-runs and old movies, or maybe constantly plugged into their iPod. They love to be entertained, enjoy social interaction, and may be pretty involved with extended family. You get the picture. They live for and are engaged in today. The second school of thought include those who watch lots of news and weather, read books on their Kindle or the old fashioned way :), have the feed on their Facebook filled with news from around the world and from many sources, those who investigate for themselves when they read something presented as fact, they like music, games, social interaction and are not afraid to express their opinions through letters, phone calls, and petition to the powers that be. In other words, they are very engaged in the world.

Most of us fall into one camp or the other. I'm not saying one camp is better than the other, just different perspectives. People generally do what has worked for them in the past. Change is scary. It involves the unknown. It includes deciding that something hasn't worked so well in the past and it's time to do something different.

One of my favorite sayings goes something like this: In order to get a new reaction, you have to do something differently. Or "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result". It's kind of like putting water into a pot, setting it on the stove and never turning on the burner but expecting the water to heat or boil. Not gonna' happen. You have to do something different to get a new outcome, like turning on the burner and allowing the water to heat or boil.

Change doesn't usually occur in someone's life until the chaos gets so bad that they can't stand it anymore, or a crisis occurs like an illness or a partner walking out of a relationship. That's when it hits the fan and we have to scramble thinking "oh my God, what am I going to do"?

That's because we humans are basically creatures of habit. We all go through our day normally following a basic routine. Like when my feet hit the floor, I have to pass out the doggie loving, head to the bathroom and get my sweet tea. I do it because it works for me and since it's caused no chaos or challenge, I have no reason to change it.

I knew a woman who found out her husband was dealing drugs, keeping money secret, and using drugs himself. Her divorce drug out for an extended length of time and she interestingly buried herself deeply into religion. It worked for her, made her feel more secure, and gave her new friends and a direction. However, when people cling to something that has power over them, it then takes the responsibility away from themselves, like "it must be God's will". And yes, it may indeed by God's will, or your soul contract, or even karma. But you have been given free will (under normal circumstances unless you are in slavery, a cult, or tribal based religions), so it's your responsibility to look for the signs the of dysfunction in your own life, spend some quiet time with yourself and find the patterns in your life. Remember, you are not obligated to answer the phone, answer the texts or tweet immediately to something you've seen. It really will still be there if you need to respond in a short amount of time. Otherwise, you've given your power away to other people, demanding your immediate attention.

The easiest way to discover patterns in your life is to write your life story. Don't worry about time being accurate as you try to get it out on paper or the computer. You can go back and insert what comes to mind and move things around as you go. As your story comes together, you'll be amazed at the patterns that appear.

I'll write more soon. Have a wonderful day!

Dr Cheryl

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